15 Tips to keep the love alive in your marriage

Originally posted on December 8, 2022 @ 12:32 pm

Marriage is a lifelong journey with many bumps on the road. Marriage is the only institution where people get a certificate before passing tests and examinations. I believe marriage can work and it is possible to keep the love alive in a marriage for as long as you live. To achieve this success, it takes both partners’ commitment to make the marriage work.

After I got married, the first year was a bittersweet experience. My eyes opened to things I didn’t know about my husband and vice versa. We had a long-distance relationship and we didn’t live together at any point.  We’ve been together for a decade and the surprises never end; I’m getting to know him more. Whether you’ve been married for a few months or several decades, these 43 practical tips will help nurture your relationship and keep the love burning strong.

What Does It Mean to Keep Love Alive in Marriage?

Keeping love alive in marriage means “maintaining an emotional, spiritual, and physical connection with your spouse through every season of life”. It involves remembering why you got married, consistently showing affection, practising forgiveness, and being intentional about intimacy and communication. A love that is alive is nurtured daily, not left to chance or routine.

Keeping love alive also means cherishing your spouse, prioritizing your relationship above distractions, and committing to growing together even when challenges arise. It’s a choice made every day to invest in the bond that holds you together.

Why You Should Keep Love Alive in Your Marriage

Keeping love alive in your marriage is essential for long-term joy, fulfilment, and unity.

1.  A love that is regularly rekindled provides a strong foundation for surviving life’s ups and downs. It creates a haven where both partners feel treasured, understood, and supported.

2. A thriving marriage reflects God’s covenant love. When love is kept alive, it sets a powerful example for your children, your community, and the world.

3. It shows you honour the sacred commitment made before God and cultivates peace, companionship, and spiritual growth within the home.

43 Ways to Keep Love Alive in Your Marriage

Here are 43 tips to keep love alive in your marriage and family.

Prioritize Communication

Many couples become bored in their marriage and sometimes one or both partners begin to seek excitement outside. I believe that if both partners practice effective communication in marriage, they will be able to overcome boredom and rekindle romance.

1. Practice Active Listening 

Listen to understand, not just to respond. Give your spouse your full attention when they speak. Do not allow your spouse to feel as if their voice isn’t heard or what they think doesn’t matter. Relationships thrive when there is adequate communication among partners. Marriages are hitting the rock because of the lack of communication between partners. It is important to create an atmosphere where both partners can communicate freely with each other. Communication is a key ingredient for long-lasting love in a marriage.

 2. Express Appreciation Daily 

We often overlook the things our partner deserves to be praised for. Everyone loves to be appreciated and valued for their efforts, so show gratitude to your partner for the things they do. Appreciate those little gestures and acts of kindness.

A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way in making your partner feel valued. Show you value their effort, don’t assume they know. Complement them when they do something you appreciate or go out of their way to fulfil your desires.

 3. Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language 

Everyone has a love language. A love language is how a person feels loved and valued. There are five love languages and they are; acts of service, quality time, physical touch, giving of gifts, and words of affirmation. It is very essential to speak love to your partner in a way they understand.

You can read the book “five love languages” by Gary Chapman to understand love languages.

Speaking your partner’s love language helps them to understand how you feel about them.

 4. Resolve Conflicts with Patience and Grace 

Disagreements are natural, but how you handle them determines the strength of your marriage. Remember to always approach conflicts with patience, respect, and a willingness to compromise. See disagreement as a lesson; it’s an opportunity to learn something new about your partner’s preference.

5. Avoid Criticism and Harsh Words 

Words can build up or tear down. Speak kindly and with love, even in difficult conversations. Criticising your partner does not change them rather, it makes them more resistant to correction.

6. Never base your decisions on assumptions

Assumptions are very costly and deadly; never assume. I decided to always hear from my husband before forming opinions on anything. Many times, we often assume things about our partners based on our expectations and what others say. Rather than assume, talk things out and hear from them.

7. Express your feelings

When we had just gotten married, I had a habit of trying to suppress my feelings whenever my husband offended me or did something I didn’t like. This went on for a while until I had an emotional outburst; I couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. It was a terrible experience and I learnt my lesson.

Always express how you feel when you’re hurt by your partner’s actions or inaction. It isn’t advisable to bury your hurt without expressing them.

Build Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is vital in marriage. A marriage without emotional connection may fail. We are humans with emotional needs.

8. Share Your Hopes, Dreams, and Fears 

Emotional intimacy develops when you are vulnerable with each other. You can build emotional intimacy by sharing your hopes, dreams, aspirations, goals and fears with each other. Knowing each other’s aspiration can help to build strong support and dependence on each other.

No marriage can work when partners go in opposite directions. Marriage is a partnership and no partnership can thrive without knowing each other’s motives, interests and plans. Share your plans and interests with your partner. Both partners need to sit down regularly to plan how to fit into each other’s plans and interests. Sometimes, there is a need to compromise but this must be done with proper agreement and compensation.

 9. Check-In on Each Other’s Feelings Regularly 

Ask questions like, “How was your day?”, “how was the presentation today?” or “Is there anything on your heart?” to stay connected.

10. Maintain Transparency and Honesty 

Trust is built on honesty. Be open about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. A marriage without trust is vulnerable to attacks.

 11. Be Each Other’s Safe Space 

Marriage should be a refuge from the outside world. Be the person your spouse feels safest with. God wants two to chase ten thousand; he doesn’t want ten thousand to chase two. Don’t allow your home to become a battleground. 

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Keep Romance Alive

 12. Schedule Regular Date Nights 

Make it a priority to spend quality time together, just the two of you. Times are such that, there are a lot of bills to settle. We are racing against time and many things are calling our attention; it is still very necessary to plan and spend quality time with your partner. Give them a bit of your time and make sure you focus on them during that time. It goes a long way to show you care about them and that you want to be part of their life.

 13. Surprise Your Spouse with Thoughtful Gestures 

Small surprises like flowers or a special meal can reignite romance. Planning surprises still works its magic anytime. Little things like doing their laundry, cleaning the house, cooking a meal, arranging their outfit for the day, and sharing words of encouragement can go a long way. Try to be creative with planning surprises for your partner and reap the harvest of love.

A simple text or handwritten note can brighten your spouse’s day. Slip the note into their bag or pocket. You can also send electronic messages, voice notes and videos.

14. Celebrate Anniversaries and Special Occasions 

Celebrate important dates together and reflect on how far you’ve both come. Make important dates special by creating memorable experiences together.

 15. Flirt with Each Other like You’re Still Dating 

Flirting doesn’t end after marriage; tease your partner and create beautiful memories together. A little playfulness keeps things fun and exciting.

16. Give gifts

Giving gifts may seem insignificant and unnecessary but it is important to give gifts to your partner. It is not the price of the gift that matters but the thoughts behind the gift.

Strengthen Physical Affection

Physical affection is vital in marriage. It is a catalyst for emotional connection. Here are some tips to stay connected physically:

 17. Hold Hands and Hug Often 

Physical touch promotes closeness and security. Sleep in each other’s arms, hug each other and hold hands often. Kiss Every Day, Even in Passing. A quick kiss before leaving the house or before bed keeps the romance alive.

Simple gestures like resting your head on your spouse’s shoulder can build intimacy.

 18. Maintain a Healthy Sexual Connection 

Intimacy is a vital part of marriage. Prioritize physical connection and mutual fulfilment. Sex is important in a marriage; it is like the glue that binds two hearts together. Have regular sex as much as you can; it is necessary. Although, frequency of sex in marriage may reduce as the marriage ages and you start having kids; never neglect the importance of sex. Plan it with your partner; explore each other’s fantasies and bodies. God is not against sex in marriage.

 19.  Ditch Gadgets and Social Media

In many marriages, gadgets are becoming a menace. Many couples spend more time browsing social media than connecting with their spouse. Keep gadgets away from the bedroom and have bedroom talk.

“A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought – they must be earned.” 

– Naval Ravikant

Growing Together Spiritually and Emotionally

The spiritual controls the physical therefore, couples should connect spiritually.

20. Allow God to reign in your home

God is the author of marriage. He was the one who created male and female before joining them together in the Garden of Eden. A marriage built on God has a higher chance of succeeding. Allow God to reign in your hearts and your love will keep burning for each other.

 21. Pray Together and for Each Other 

Prayer is an essential tool for unlocking the supernatural. Pray together and pray for each other. Wives should pray for their husbands and husbands should pray for their wives. It is also important to pray for your children. A marriage rooted in prayer is strengthened by God’s grace.

 21. Study the Bible and Read Inspirational Books Together 

Read the bible together to grow together. Growing spiritually together enhances unity and understanding.

 22. Share Personal Growth Goals and Support Each Other 

Share spiritual goals and encourage each other to strive for Spiritual maturity. Encourage one another in personal development and self-improvement.

 23. Encourage and Uplift Your Spouse’s Faith 

We often face challenges in life; in these challenging moments, we need someone to cheer us on. Be each other’s spiritual cheerleader; find comfort and solace in each other.

Making Quality Time a Priority

Spending time with your partner breeds support, love and understanding.

 24. Unplug from Work and Be Present 

In the era of virtual work, work has crept into family time. Put away your laptops and phones. Make intentional effort to be fully engaged with each other.

 25. Take Walks or Engage in Shared Hobbies 

Doing activities together strengthens your bond. Engage in fun activities together; you can play indoor games, take walks, camping, or watch/play games together.

 26. Travel Together and Create New Memories 

How about going on vacation together? Exploring new places together brings excitement and adventure. If you can afford a vacation, go for it!

 26. Plan Weekend Getaways, Even If They’re Small 

A change of scenery helps rekindle romance and connection. The new environment makes you reliant on each other for companionship and it creates new memories.

Keep being friends

Many couples forget how to be friends in marriage. Rekindle your friendship!

 27. Laugh Together and Keep a Sense of Humour 

Shared laughter creates strong emotional bonds. Share things that amuse you with your partner. Share in each other’s joy and laughter.

 28. Be Supportive of Each Other’s Passions 

Show interest in your spouse’s hobbies and ambitions. Don’t impose your habits, hobbies, or ambitions on your spouse.

 29. Treat Your Spouse as Your Best Friend 

Friendship is the foundation of a lasting marriage. Your partner is your best friend and you need to treat them with love and kindness.

Handle Conflict and Challenges Wisely

 30. Learn to Apologize and Forgive Quickly 

Forgiveness is the number one tip to a successful marriage. Having a forgiving spirit is important and it helps to keep a calm head. To make a marriage work, both partners must be willing to forgive each other wholeheartedly. It may be difficult to forgive other people’s wrongdoing especially when they have done something truly hurtful. Forgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow but it is better than carrying the burden of unforgiveness.

 31. Choose Your Battles and Let Go of the Small Stuff 

Not every disagreement is worth fighting over; some disagreements need to be overlooked because they truly do not matter. Making a fuss over every wrong thing will only break emotional connection with your spouse, learn to let go when necessary.

 32. Seek Counselling or Guidance When Needed 

Many times, couples often avoid counselling or professional help because of pride. Some will seek counselling with a closed mind set. Professional help can provide a valuable perspective that can turn the tide of the marriage in the right direction.

33. Set rules for your relationship

Rules are guidelines that prevent disagreements and anger in marriage. Set rules that will act as guidelines for your home. I believe in setting boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed to have a happy and peaceful home.

Some homes have rules like:

• Never sleep without solving disputes
• Never sleeping in different rooms
• Who comes visiting and how long visitors are allowed etc.

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.”

– Pearl S. Buck

Keeping the Excitement Alive

 34. Recreate Your First Date or Favourite Memories 

Try Reminiscing on the moments that brought you together. Recreating memories can help to reinforce them and strengthen bonds.

 35. Keep Learning About Each Other’s Interests 

One thing I have discovered is that people evolve. Their desires, interests and plans change over time. This can happen due to growth, family need and children. People evolve; stay curious about your spouse’s growth.

 36. Occasionally Dress Up Just for Your Spouse 

Making an effort on appearance shows care and appreciation. I understand that many things are calling for your attention but try dressing up for your partner. You can try out brands and outfits they like to create their imagination.

 Build Trust and Security

 37. Be Faithful and Loyal in Actions and Thoughts 

Trust they say, is like an egg; once broken, it may never be regained. Let your actions show your commitment and reinforce your partner’s trust. Commitment requires continuous effort and intentionality. It is necessary that what you say and do align with each other.

Trust is important in every relationship; it doesn’t matter if it is friendship, colleagueship or marriage. Trust your partner and never allow doubt to cloud your judgement.

 38. Avoid Comparisons and Focus on Your Unique Love Story 

Every marriage is different; cherish your journey. Every marriage is unique. If all marriages were the same then, the world would be boring. Don’t compare your spouse with others; it is your marriage, not a community marriage.

Choosing Love Every Day

 39. Show Unconditional Kindness, Even in Hard Times 

Love is tested in difficult moments, be kind to your spouse. Don’t berate them in front of family and friends.  Speak Positively About Your Spouse in Public and Private. Words shape perception; speak life into your marriage. Others will treat your spouse the way you treat them.

40. Never Take Each Other for Granted 

Do not take your partner for granted. You may have a close relationship with them but they also assume other roles outside your home. Treat your partner with respect and kindness.

 41. Stay Grateful for Your Spouse and Marriage 

We often overlook the things our partner deserves to be praised for. Everyone loves to be appreciated and valued for their efforts, so show gratitude to your partner for the things they do. Appreciate those little gestures and acts of kindness. Thankfulness keeps negativity at bay.

 42. Choose Love Every Day—Even When It’s Hard 

Love is a choice, not just a feeling. Marriage is a commitment to stay true to your spouse through thick and thin irrespective of how you feel.

43. Take care of your health.

Never neglect your overall health and hygiene; both partners need to make a conscious decision to take care of their bodies for their partner. I don’t believe it is a woman’s responsibility to look beautiful while the man becomes potbellied, lack hygiene and less attractive to their partner.

Taking care of your health is very important and should never be overlooked.

Final Thoughts

Marriage is one of the most beautiful and fulfilling relationships, yet it requires continuous effort to keep the love alive. Over time, responsibilities, stress, and routine can take a toll on the initial spark, but with intentionality and care, couples can maintain and even deepen their love.

I believe these 43 tip to keep love alive in your marriage can help your marriage. Keeping love alive in marriage takes consistent effort. It may sometimes be tiring but the reward is more than the effort.

Do you know more tips? Kindly share them in the comment section.