Sexual intimacy within marriage is a divine gift. It is given by God and designed to establish unity, love, and joy between a husband and wife. Many Christian couples struggle to talk about sex openly, leading to misunderstandings and unmet needs. In this article, I will be sharing 50 sex tips for christian couples to build intimacy in marriage.
Embracing God’s design for sexual intimacy strengthens the marital bond and enhances the joy of togetherness.
In this article
The Biblical Foundation of Sex in Marriage
The Bible plainly states in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This unity reflects deep emotional, spiritual, and physical bonding, emphasizing the importance of sexual intimacy. Sex in marriage is not solely for procreation but also for pleasure, connection, and the increasing love between couples.
Why should Christian couples communicate openly about sex?
Christianity frowns at sex before marriage. Intending couples are usually advised to wait till marriage before having sex; which is important. Therefore, many Christians go into marriage with the same mentality thinking sex is so sacred that they find it difficult to communicate with their partner in marriage openly. Many newly married Christian couples have sex challenges in the early stages of their marriage. If not well handled, it can cause a big crack in the marriage. Here are some reasons why you should communicate openly with your partner.
- Discussing sexual desires, expectations, and concerns builds a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
- Clear communication prevents misunderstandings
- Creating a safe space where both partners can express their feelings ensures mutual satisfaction
- It creates a stronger marital bond.
50 Sex Tips for Christian Couples in Marriage
We have established the fact that God gave sex as a gift to build a stronger bond in marriage. I always advise couples to be willing to enjoy every bit of the pleasure that sex brings. Sexual fulfilment starts from having a mindset that you deserve the pleasure, there is nothing sinful about having sex with your spouse. You must also be willing to give back to your spouse by helping them feel as much pleasure and guiding them to help you achieve ultimate pleasure.
Emotional Connection & Communication
1. Talk openly about your desires, needs, and boundaries.
Honest conversations help you both understand what makes each other feel loved and desired. Share what you enjoy, what you’re curious about, and what makes you uncomfortable. Open communication helps to build an emotional connection which positively affects your sexual life.
2. Express appreciation for each other daily.
Compliment your spouse on their looks, character, and efforts. Gratitude creates emotional closeness, making physical intimacy more fulfilling. Don’t underplay your spouse’s effort, when they do something good, be willing to compliment them; they’ll feel good.
3. Share your fantasies safely and lovingly.
Talking about your dreams and desires builds trust and expectation. Keep the conversation respectful and ensure both partners feel safe. Tell your partner what you want in the bedroom and both of you work on achieving the result together.
4. Resolve conflicts quickly to prevent resentment from building up.
Unresolved anger creates emotional distance, reducing desire. Practice healthy communication and forgive each other quickly. Allowing hurt to linger, feeds feelings of resentment and anger.
5. Spend quality time together outside the bedroom.
Enjoy shared hobbies, date nights, going on a walk, visiting friends or simple conversations. Emotional connection enhances physical intimacy. Spending quality time with your spouse keeps their focus on you.
6. Pray together for a stronger emotional and physical bond.
Seeking spiritual intimacy strengthens every area of marriage, including sex. Ask God to deepen your love and desire for one another. Many people often overlook the part of prayer. If you find it difficult to enjoy sexual intimacy, ask God to help you enjoy intimacy and be willing to give what it takes.
7. Listen without judgment when your spouse shares concerns.
Let your partner feel heard and validated. A safe emotional environment leads to deeper intimacy. Communicating what you don’t like in the bedroom and listening to your partner, helps to create emotional balance and creates a safe space.
8. Use love languages to express affection in ways your spouse values.
The book “five love languages” by Gary Chapman highlights the five love languages which are words of affirmation, giving gifts, Physical touch, acts of service, or quality time.
Discover your partner’s love language and make an effort to communicate their love language. When emotional needs are met, physical connection becomes richer.
9. Flirt throughout the day with texts, notes, or teasing touches.
A playful and affectionate tone builds anticipation. Whisper something romantic or send a flirty text to keep the spark alive. You can send a simple text telling your partner “I have shaved and ready for you”. It creates excitement and anticipation.
You can try touching their most sensitive part with your hands or gently stroking their body with light kisses.
10. Celebrate small wins in your relationship to boost intimacy.
Acknowledge achievements, big or small, and show enthusiasm for each other’s growth. Confidence and support increase emotional closeness. Be willing to compliment your partner when they have made significant improvements in career, finance, academics and even bedroom skills.
Physical Touch & Affection
11. Hold hands often—in public and private.
This simple act fosters connection and reassurance. Many older couples with children usually feel embarrassed doing this because of children but remember these children came because you had intimacy.
12. Hug daily for at least 20 seconds to release bonding hormones.
Long hugs release oxytocin, strengthening emotional and physical bonds. Try hugging your partner especially when they are tired, need reassurance or feel insecure.
13. Kiss passionately beyond a quick peck on the lips.
Deep, intentional kissing can reignite attraction and desire. Many couples downplay the effect of kissing each other. Some couples cannot even remember the last time they kissed each other.
14. Cuddle without expectations to build a connection.
Not every physical closeness needs to result in sex. Physical closeness without pressure for sex strengthens trust and affection.
15. Give nonsexual massages to relieve stress and increase desire.
A relaxing massage can transition into something more, but it also expresses care. A massage relaxes the body and mind which may lead to a tired partner accommodating intimacy because their body is relaxed.
16. Explore new ways to touch that increase arousal and comfort.
Try gentle strokes, playful touches, or sensual caresses to enhance connection. This can be done for fun and to understand your partner’s body.
17. Make eye contact during moments of affection.
Looking into each other’s eyes builds trust and deepens intimacy. Looking into your partner’s eyes reveals the truth in a moment of affection; Noises can be deceiving, but the eyes express true feelings.
18. Dance together to sensual music at home.
Dancing in the living room can be fun and lead to intimate moments. Dancing together helps to increase physical bonding and also relaxes your body.
19. Surprise your spouse with a spontaneous back rub or foot massage.
Acts of service through touch can be deeply appreciated and lead to closeness. Activities like helping your partner cut their nails, shaving for your partner, washing their back while having a bath and many more, can help increase intimacy.
20. Whisper sweet words to create a romantic atmosphere.
Try whispering sensual words to your partner outside the home like when you are in the mall, or visiting friends. Sensual whispers can increase anticipation and connection.
Create the Right Atmosphere
21. Clean the bedroom to make it a relaxing sanctuary.
The bedroom is the most common place for sexual intimacy; a peaceful space brings relaxation and romance.
22. Invest in good lighting—soft, warm lights can enhance intimacy.
Lighting affects our mood; harsh lighting kills the mood while warm lights create a cosy atmosphere.
23. Wear something attractive that makes you feel confident.
What you wear can communicate your intention to your partner. Sometimes you don’t need to use words just wear something attractive. Actions like, wearing an outfit or colours your partner loves can help build excitement. Confidence is attractive — choose something that makes you feel sexy.
24. Play romantic or sensual music to set the mood.
Music can create the right emotional and sensual atmosphere. Create a romantic environment by channelling the power of music.
25. Use scented candles or essential oils for a pleasant aroma.
Scents like lavender, vanilla, or jasmine can be soothing and sensual. Put on perfume and try rubbing some perfume oil on the bed sheet.
26. Take showers or baths together to increase closeness.
Water relaxes and creates an opportunity for playful intimacy.
27. Experiment with different settings—not just the bedroom.
Changing the environment can make things feel fresh and exciting. I know many couples assume sex should be done only in the bedroom, and experiment in different settings of the home. You can experiment in the kitchen, on the sofa, bathroom etc.
28. Schedule date nights and stick to them.
Intentional time together keeps the passion alive. Date nights do not need to be expensive, the overall goal is to engage in activities that create a unique bond between you.
29. Limit screen time before bed to encourage connection.
Avoid distractions so you can focus on each other. Gadgets are gradually eroding the intimacy and love couples show each other like lying in each other’s arms before falling asleep. Physical connection is very important.
30. Create a routine of intimacy so it becomes a priority.
Let physical intimacy and closeness be a routine. Look forward to creating a connection and bonding moment with your partner.
Explore Physical Intimacy Together
31. Talk about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Open conversations prevent frustration and increase pleasure. No matter how pleasurable moments of intimacy are, one wrong action can douse all the pleasure. It is important to open up to your partner and let them know what brings satisfaction and what doesn’t work for you.
You must also be willing to accommodate your partner and tweak your ideas. The goal is mutual pleasure. One-sided pleasure is harmful!
32. Be open to trying new things while respecting boundaries.
Trying new ideas keeps things exciting, but always with mutual agreement. Do not force your opinions on your partner, or do things that will force them to accept your preferences.
33. Focus on foreplay and not just the end goal.
Foreplay is an essential part of intimacy, especially for women. Foreplay builds anticipation and enhances satisfaction. When foreplay is properly done, sex is more enjoyable and both partners look forward to the next time.
34. Make intimacy fun by laughing and playing together.
A light-hearted approach makes intimacy more enjoyable. When one partner goofs, laugh about it together and help them do it better. Grow together and make it fun-filled.
35. Use touch to communicate love before initiating sex.
Small gestures like stroking hair or holding hands build connection. Touching your partner in the right places helps to send the signal to the brain.
36. Make time for morning intimacy if evenings are too busy.
Trying different times of the day can add excitement. If your spouse is usually too tired in the night to give their best try morning or other times of the day depending on your availability.
37. Show gestures that build anticipation.
Do things that signal sex to your partner. Sending A playful message, wearing a sensual outfit, or mentioning a memorable moment in the last intimate moment can increase desire before the evening.
38. Try different forms of intimacy—sensual massage, slow dancing, or just lying close together.
Variety enhances connection and keeps things fresh. You will be spending a lot of years together. I am sure you don’t want to do the same thing over again.
39. Take your time—slow down and enjoy the experience.
Rushing intimacy reduces pleasure and emotional closeness. Sexual intimacy grows with time. If you rush your partner or judge too quickly, you may never get the best of them.
40. Be mindful and present instead of rushing.
Stay in the moment to fully enjoy each other. Enjoy the moment without worrying about anything. Be open to enjoying every bit of pleasure without holding back.
Healthy Mindsets for Sexual Intimacy
41. Let go of unrealistic expectations from movies or social media.
Real intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Many movie scenes are acted over and over again to create the perfect moment you see. Don’t be deceived by the things you see in movies, create your own moment.
42. Don’t compare your sex life to others.
Every marriage is different—focus on what works for you. Comparism cheats you, it prevents you from creating your own moments and creating what works best for your marriage. You are unique; so is your marriage!
43. Embrace your body and encourage your spouse to do the same.
Confidence in your body enhances intimacy. If you don’t have confidence in your body, you will find it difficult to give yourself fully. You must accept your and your partner’s body. Help each other create a positive body image which drives intimacy.
44. Work through insecurities that may affect intimacy.
Discussing concerns with your spouse can build trust and security. Concern can come from wrong ideas about sex, fear of pain, etc. openly share your concerns and work on it together.
45. Forgive past hurts that might hinder closeness.
Letting go of past pain opens the door to deeper intimacy. People who have gone through sexual abuse, and trauma, and had multiple partners may find it difficult to enjoy sexual intimacy. Forgive past hurts and see a psychologist or counsellor if needed.
Always remember that the past is gone, what matters is the future you are willing to build.
46. See intimacy as a gift rather than an obligation.
A positive mindset makes intimacy more fulfilling. Sexual intimacy is beyond obligation. Enjoying sexual intimacy is beneficial to you therefore, be willing to enjoy it not endure it.
47. Be willing to try new positions
Trying new positions can help both partners discover the position that works for them and brings ultimate pleasure. Factors like body shape, height, and circumcision can impact which position is best for different couples.
48. Seek help if needed—books, counselling, or mentorship.
Professional help or trusted guidance can strengthen intimacy. Seeking help doesn’t make you weak but strengthens your bond and shows your resolve to make it work.
49. Stay committed to growth—learning and exploring together.
Continuous learning keeps your intimate life vibrant. Learn, unlearn and relearn.
50. Remember that intimacy deepens over time—be patient and enjoy the journey.
A fulfilling sex life is built with love, patience, and intentionality. When both partners give their very best, they can achieve great intimacy.
Final Thoughts
Building healthy sexual intimacy in marriage requires the combined effort of both partners. It may take time but remember to enjoy the process and be willing to invest in it. I believe these 50 sex tips for Christian marriage can be a guide to building a deep intimacy that lasts a lifetime.
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