Are you desperate? Searching for hope and healing after a miscarriage? I have got you. I’ve been there and in this article, I share insights on how i found comfort in my journey. I am Adelekan Bolanle, welcome to my blog.
My wedding day is one of the happiest days of my life. I started a new journey; I was hopeful and excited to explore the next phase of my life. I had high expectations, but miscarriages were not one of them. When I had my first miscarriage after waiting for almost two years for a positive pregnancy result, I was heartbroken and sad. I couldn’t come to terms with the incident; it was one of the worst moments in my life.
I was even more devastated when I had the second miscarriage and then the third. It took a long time to come to terms with it, but I eventually found emotional healing after three miscarriages. Today, when I look at my three children, I am grateful to God for his mercies.
If you are reading this article, I believe you are probably going through a difficult time overcoming the pain, guilt and fear that comes with having miscarriages, or maybe you are reading this to find ways to help someone going through this rough patch. I understand this pain first-hand, and I want you to know that you will have your children; this will go away.
In this article
What is miscarriage?
A miscarriage, also known as a spontaneous abortion, is the loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week of gestation. It is a relatively common occurrence, with estimates suggesting that about 10% to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. However, the actual rate may be higher since many miscarriages occur very early in pregnancy, sometimes before a woman even realises she is pregnant.
Miscarriages can happen for a variety of reasons, including genetic abnormalities in the embryo or foetus, hormonal imbalances, maternal health conditions (such as diabetes or thyroid disorders), uterine abnormalities, infections, or trauma. In many cases, the exact cause of a miscarriage remains unknown.
Symptoms of a miscarriage may include vaginal bleeding, cramping, and the passing of tissue or fluid from the vagina. However, not all cases of bleeding or cramping during pregnancy result in miscarriage, and pregnant individuals need to consult with their healthcare provider if they experience any concerning symptoms.
It’s important to note that a miscarriage does not necessarily indicate infertility, and many individuals go on to have successful pregnancies after experiencing one or more miscarriages. However, recurrent miscarriages may warrant further medical evaluation and treatment to identify and address any underlying causes.
Medically, doctors will tell you miscarriage is losing a foetus. I believe it is losing a part of your soul. It is more than just losing a foetus. Both the man and woman feel overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil and pain that comes with miscarriages.
Therefore there is now no condemnation [no guilty verdict, no punishment] for those who are in Christ Jesus [who believe in Him as personal Lord and Savior].
Romans 8:1
Is miscarriage a punishment from God?
After I had my experience, I began to feel like I had offended God, and he was punishing me through miscarriages. I often think about what I have done that made me deserve such punishment. I sometimes felt like a great sinner; I would go to God in prayer and ask him to have mercy on me and forgive my sins. The burden of guilt was very much.
Over time, I realised miscarriage was not a punishment from God. God is not punishing you through miscarriages. Don’t allow the devil to sow such seeds in your heart.
How Can I Find Comfort, Hope and Healing After a Miscarriage?
When I had my first miscarriage, I was very sad. I was bleeding as I was rushed to the hospital by my husband; I was dressed and ready to go to work in the early hours of the day. When I got to the hospital, the doctor checked me and asked me to do a scan. He informed me that I had to go through an emergency D&C. I was petrified, D&C? The procedure was excruciating, and when I look back, the pain is more than the pain I felt during childbirth. The pain of the procedure made the loss more traumatic. How did I overcome the trauma?
Doctors, psychologists and counsellors have shared many ways to cope with the trauma of miscarriages. In this section, I will share ways I found comfort and healing after multiple miscarriages; I believe you will find it helpful.
1. Pouring out my heart in prayers to God. I have learnt to hold no bar whenever I pray to God. When you are going through a time of grief and loss, like a miscarriage, people often comfort you with words to entice you into burying your emotions. I remember pouring out my heart to God in prayers; I told him how much pain I felt and how angry I was with him for allowing me to go through the pain. In my place of prayer, I wept and poured out my heart to God like Hannah.
I slept and woke up to continue praying. After hours of pouring out my mind before God, I felt lighter. My burden was lifted when God reaffirmed his word that I would carry my children.
2. Allow yourself to grieve. It would be best if you allowed yourself to process your thoughts and grieve. Many people do not understand the connection between a mother and the foetus. Other people may not know how it hurts. Take time to grieve, but do not let your grief determine the actions you take.
3. Seek support in this time of pain. I understand that you may be tempted to think that nobody understands your pain. Don’t hesitate to contact friends, family, or a support group who can offer empathy, comfort, and understanding. Sharing your feelings with others who have gone through similar experiences can be particularly helpful.
4. Seek professional support if you can’t overcome the trauma. Many believers find seeing a counsellor unnecessary, but that is not the right thing to do. Seeking support and counselling is very important and boosts our confidence. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor specialising in grief and loss. You can decide to see a Christian counsellor if need be. Professional guidance can provide coping strategies and a safe space to express your emotions.
5. Prioritise self-care above all else. Self-care is crucial; people will say many things to you, but you must prioritise self-care. Engage in self-care activities that promote healing and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy.
6. Allow your partner to get through to you. I remember my experience; I was very heartbroken and sad. I found it challenging to discuss and relate with my husband about how I felt. I felt he didn’t understand my pain or emotions. After a while, I had a heart-to-heart talk with him, and I realised he felt the pain as much as I did.
Speak openly with your partner about your feelings and experiences. Remember that you may be grieving differently, so supporting each other through this difficult time is crucial.
7. Seek Medical help to help you understand if there is an underlying health issue causing the miscarriage. I know many times believers want to hide under the belief that God is in control and will sort everything for them. We must never forget that God has given us medical sciences to help us live better lives. Take time to seek medical help to rule out any underlying medical condition.
9. Immerse yourself in the word of God. Allow the word of God to be your place of comfort. Read and meditate on the word of God, and do not allow the whispers of the devil to get through to you. You can also connect with a pastor, spiritual leader, or counsellor who can provide spiritual guidance and support rooted in the Christian faith. They can offer prayer, scripture readings, and perspective from a biblical view.
Bible Verses such as Psalm 34:18, Isaiah 41:10, and Romans 8:28 can provide reassurance during difficult times.
10. Allow the love of God to fill your heart. Draw strength from your faith in God’s love, sovereignty, and plan for your life. Trust that He is with you in your pain and can bring beauty from ashes, even amid loss. Don’t let your loss prevent you from loving yourself and your spouse. You deserve love.
11. Don’t stop attending church services. Remember I told you that I was very angry with God when I had multiple miscarriages? I felt I shouldn’t participate in church or serve God, which allowed these events to happen. I am grateful I didn’t let my pain get the better of me. I still attended church and found joy and peace each time I was in his presence.
Attend church services or participate in worship gatherings where you can solace in worshipping God alongside fellow believers. Allow the music, prayers, and messages to minister to your heart and spirit.
12. Channel your grief into something you love. Grief is a form of energy, although a negative one. Instead of allowing the energy to darken your mind, channel it into something productive like serving others, caring for children, praying for others or anything that gives you joy. Serving others can provide a sense of purpose and fulfilment while also helping you focus on something outside your pain.
13. Keep a journal. Journaling can be a therapeutic way to express your thoughts, feelings, and prayers to God. Write down your reflections, prayers, and moments of gratitude or hope as you journey through the grieving process. Journaling is fun, and I know that one day, you will go through your writings, and all you can do is glorify God for his faithfulness.
14. Resist the urge to isolate yourself. One of the things I struggled with was isolating myself. I wasn’t willing to open up and allow people into my space; I got hurt by what people had to say, and this made me eager to isolate myself more. Along the line, I realised that the devil wanted to isolate me; he knew isolating me would allow him to sew negative seeds in my heart. Whenever I look back, I am very grateful that I didn’t yield to the temptation.
Kindly remember that grieving during a miscarriage is ordinary and necessary. Allow yourself the grace to grieve and trust in God’s love and faithfulness to carry you through the pain of miscarriage.
Grieve, but don’t allow your grief to decide the course of your life.
Adelekan Bolanle
What are Bible Verses to Find Healing and Hope after a Miscarriage?
The Bible is a go-to place to find comfort after any grief or loss, including a miscarriage. Here are ten bible verses to help you find hope after miscarriage:
- Psalm 34:18 (NIV): “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
- Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
- Psalm 23:4 (NIV): “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
- Romans 8:28 (NIV): “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV): “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
- Psalm 30:5 (NIV): “For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
- Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV): “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
- Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV): “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
- Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NIV): “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.”
These bible verses remind us of God’s presence, comfort, and promise of hope, even amid pain and loss. They offer reassurance that we are not alone and that God is with us, carrying us through our darkest moments with His love and grace.
How to Pray After A Miscarriage
Praying after a miscarriage can be a profoundly personal and emotional experience. I believe prayers should come from the heart and should never be generic. However, if you can’t find words, here are suggestions on how to approach praying after a miscarriage.
1. Be Honest with God: Pour out your heart to God in honesty, expressing your feelings, emotions, and struggles. God knows your pain and wants you to bring it to Him without reservation.
2. Seek Comfort and Strength: Ask God for comfort in your time of need. Pray that he gives you the peace and comfort your soul craves. Ask God for healing emotionally, physically and psychologically.
3. Express gratitude: I know you feel a lot of pain, but gratitude is a better way to relieve your pain. Even amidst your pain, take a moment to thank God for the precious time you had with your unborn child and for the love and support of those around you.
4. Pray for Understanding: Seek understanding and wisdom from God as you try to make sense of what has happened. Ask Him to help you find meaning and purpose in your pain and guide you through the grief journey.
5. Claim God’s Promises: Claim the promises of God in the scriptures: his promise of fruitfulness, that there will be no barren, afflictions will not rise again, and many more. Pray with faith, trusting God works all things together for your good, even during tragedy.
6. Pray for Others: Praying for others in grief helps us channel our energy into serving others. Lifting others who are also grieving the loss of a child and praying for their comfort, strength, and healing helps us to pray passionately because we feel the same pain. Intercede on behalf of those who may be struggling with infertility, pregnancy complications, or other challenges.
You can also incorporate praying with others in corporate prayers, which is a great way to build spiritual stamina.
Always remember to hear from God after praying to him. It is vital as hearing from God gives you hope and helps you trust God’s plan. Ultimately, surrender your hopes, fears, and uncertainties to God, trusting in His plan and timing for your life. He is with you every step of the way, wrapping his loving arms around you.
Prayer you can pray after a miscarriage
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for loving me and caring for me. I am grateful that you are God in my life, and your will for me is good. Thank you for granting me the grace to survive the test I face. I am eternally grateful for your love and comfort.
Dear Lord, in this time of pain and grief, I seek solace in your love and comfort in your embrace. Wrap Your loving arms around me and hold me close as I grieve the loss of my precious child. Help me to find solace in Your presence and to trust in Your unfailing love.
You are the Great Physician, and I come to You in need of healing—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please, Lord, Heal my broken heart, restore my strength, and bring healing to my body and mind. Please help me to find healing and peace in you.
I ask for your strength in my time of weakness. Help me to receive strength from above. Let your strength engulf me, fueling me to navigate this trying time of pain and anguish.
Strengthen my faith amid doubt and uncertainty. Help me to trust in Your goodness and sovereignty, even when I cannot see the reasons behind this pain. Increase my faith, O Lord, and help me to walk by faith and not by sight. Amen.
Dear Lord, please Forgive me for any anger, bitterness, or resentment I may harbour. Help me to release these burdens to You and to find freedom in Your forgiveness. Please grant me the grace to forgive others who may have unintentionally hurt me during this time.
Calm the storm within me and grant me Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Quiet my anxious thoughts and fill me with Your presence. May Your peace guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
I pray for everyone going through grief like this to help them overcome their grief. Give them hope, and let them find joy.
Lord, I claim the promises in your word and declare they will be fulfilled. I am like a tree planted by the riverside that brings forth its fruit in due season (You can claim as many as you remember).
Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers. May your name be forever glorified, oh lord, in Jesus name
Amen.
The prayer is just a guide; remember to pour your mind to your Father.
When is miscarriage a spiritual warfare?
Miscarriages can happen as a result of biological or health reasons. Still, as Christians, we do not rule out that there is a spiritual undertone to any challenge we face. It is essential to take it up to God in prayer, resisting the devil and all his works. I recommend that you refer to my article about strongholds to understand the meaning of strongholds and my article about prayers to break strongholds for inspiration on how to pray warfare prayers.
If you haven’t read the book Supernatural Childbirth, kindly get a copy because the book contains bible verses, prayer points and encouragement from women who have gone through miscarriages.
My words to you
Dear mom,
I know you are hurting a lot as you go through this time. I was very hurt, too; I lost hope and thought I would not have my children. I heard a lot from people who were supposed to support and encourage me. It was a lot to take in. I became depressed, withdrawn and isolated from my friends.
When I look back today, I wish I had handled my grief better. I wish I didn’t allow the pain and the hurtful words to draw me back. I am writing this article to help you navigate your grief better. Allow yourself to grieve, but don’t let the grieve dictate the direction of your life. You will hold your baby, and I am confident your testimony is almost here.
Keep the faith alive.
You are loved.
0 Comments