We often want to make significant changes in life, but we do not know how to go about it. We are sometimes afraid of what people will think about us if we make those firm decisions. Many of us don’t know how to define relationships even when we feel uncomfortable when people overstep their boundaries. In reality, we are masters of our destiny.

When we learn to know what we want from relationships, we tend to set boundaries, understand our weaknesses and recognize the toxic relationship. When I was younger, I used to have issues defining my relationship with people. I allowed many people who never deserved my friendship; to come into my life. When I got the knowledge and understood the benefit of defining my relationships with people, my emotional health took a positive turn around. Read on to learn some of the things that worked for me.

Steps to Define Your Relationships

We have the power to make life decisions about who we allow into our life. sometimes people form relationships by accident, and this relationship may bring much hurt and pain beyond what we can accommodate. There are few steps we can take to understand our thoughts and define our relationships to prevent emotional trauma.

Understand yourself

This above all: to thine own self be true

And it must follow, as the night the day

William Shakespeare

Be true to yourself, understand your personality, and how relationships with people affect you. Know what you can tolerate and what you can’t. You are the master and architect of your life. The fact that we all need people doesn’t mean we need everybody. Know and understand yourself first; then you can understand others. This is why self discovery is important.

You stand to benefit more when you understand who you are what your weaknesses and strengths are. People will not take you seriously if you don’t know what you want. Imagine a relationship with a lady you decided to break up with if you choose to keep going back to her and having sex. She may never take you seriously. It is essential to understand yourself and know the kind of people you want in your life.

Patience

Sometimes things aren’t clear right away. That’s where you need to be patient and persevere and see where things lead.

Mary Pierce

Patience is indeed a virtue. It is crucial to develop a habit of being patient. When you meet new people, relate with them usually. Don’t try to impress them, calmly examine them and understand them. Don’t be in haste to form new relationships. The kind of people we allow into our lives means a lot. Imagine the repercussion of a goat allowing a tiger into his fold; the consequences are dire.

Sometimes we meet new people when we are in dire need of comfort, these people help us, and we sometimes bring them into our lives. I know many people who have done this, and they find themselves hurt and disappointed when their trusted friends backstab them.

Take a Break

Take a break when you discover you have this closeness with people you can’t explain! It ensures you have time to evaluate the relationship. When you take time off, you can understand how much you’ve allowed them in your life. The break is good, it helps to loosen tensions, and you also have time to see if you want them in your life.

During the pandemic, many of us realized the depth of some relationships that we thought had a firm grip on us. The distance created due to the lockdown helped many of us evaluate our lives. Take a break whenever you feel overwhelmed by the relationship or affection for someone.

Understand the Signs

Even though it is important to relate with people properly, you still have to understand the signs pointing in the wrong direction. Imagine this scenario; you have a close female friend who never sleeps until she hears your voice. It can be a pointer to the fact that she is in love with you while simply seeing her as a friend.

Her dep may be rubbing your ego, you may feel important, but it’s an impending danger. It may not mean she’s fallen in love with you, but this is something to consider seriously.

Maybe you have a neighbour who wants to know everything about your marriage. They may be saying negative things about your partner. As much as they may not mean any harm, you must understand the signs. Such a relationship will put negative thoughts in your heart, affecting other areas of your life.

Have the discussion

We sometimes read the signs when people are going overboard. We tend to sweep things under the carpet and assume the other person should know better. We all want to be the hero who accommodates and sees the good in everybody. We do not want to take the first step. It is essential to have a conversation with people when you think they are getting closer than you intended. We are sometimes afraid to discuss that because we believe we may be assuming things. 

Having this discussion helps to clear confusion and doubt. It also sends a clear message to the other person. They tend to get a clear understanding of what your intentions are. It may feel unpleasant when you bring up the discussion and discover that you assumed the events. It is more important you clear the air for your emotional and mental wellbeing. You also have to pick a perfect time to have this “define relationships” discussion

What discussions are important when dating?

 Express your thought about the relationship

When you relate or talk to people, don’t be afraid to refer to them with the name of the relationship you share with them. Introduce them to people using those names ‘he is my friend’, ‘she is my sister’, ‘that’s my boss/colleague’. Don’t refer to everyone as your friend. Don’t give false opinions or impressions to people. Let people know what you think about them, and do not be afraid to say it as it is. 

Set Boundaries

We should set boundaries in our relationships with people. Boundaries give an idea of how you want the relationship to go. Limits don’t mean you’ll have to insult the other person, but it means you are trying to draw terms for your relationship. One easy way is to discuss what you like and don’t like with the other person. Don’t forget to be open-minded, understand the other person and reach an agreement.

Are you facing depression and you need help? This is for you

My Experience

  There was this friend I had in my university days, we were very close, and people around us knew we were close. We talked about many things, and I felt comfortable talking to him. He was my senior, which made it easier to relate with him. People were teasing me because they thought we were in a relationship. I would laugh and tell them nothing was happening.

One day he called me and told me clearly that there is no string attached to the relationship we share. I was happy and a little disappointed because I hoped the relationship might lead somewhere.

I wasn’t hurt or shocked because I have trained myself not to assume anything about my relationship with people. After that scene, we still speak with each other and usually relate. Today, we are married to different people, and we still talk to each other.

      I sincerely respect this person for doing this because it is lifesaving. Some men will assume you know the relationship means nothing until the bombshell. Don’t ever hesitate to let people know your thoughts about the relationship you share, and never allow anyone to play with your emotions.

learn to define relationships.