Originally posted on December 8, 2022 @ 12:32 pm
Marriage is a lifelong journey with many bumps in the road. Marriage is the only institute where people get a certificate before passing tests and examinations. I believe marriage can work and it is possible to keep the love alive in a marriage for as long as you live. To achieve this success, it takes both partners’ commitment to make the marriage work.
After I got married, the first year was a bittersweet experience. My eyes were opened to things I didn’t know about my husband and vice versa. We had a long-distance relationship and we didn’t live together at any point. We’ve been together for seven years now and the surprises never end; I’m getting to know him more. The tips I’ll be sharing in this article are things that have worked for me, let’s dive into each of them.
In this article
How to Keep the Fire Burning in Your Marriage
- Allow God reign
God is the author of marriage. He was the one who created male and female before joining them together in the Garden of Eden. A marriage founded on God has a higher chance of being successful. Allow God to reign in your heart and you’ll be surprised by how much your home will succeed.
Forgiveness is the number one tip to a successful marriage. Having a forgiving spirit is important and it helps to keep a calm head. To make a marriage work, both partners must be willing to forgive each other wholeheartedly. It may be difficult to forgive other people’s wrongdoing especially when they have done something truly hurtful. Forgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow but it is better than carrying the burden of unforgiveness.
- Communicate without season
Relationships thrive when there is adequate communication among partners. Marriages are hitting the rock because of the lack of communication between partners. It is important to create an atmosphere where both partners can communicate freely with each other. Communication is a key ingredient for long-lasting love in a marriage.
- Give gifts
Giving gifts may seem insignificant and unnecessary but it is important to give gifts to your partner. It is not the price of the gift that matters but the thoughts behind the gift.
- Spend quality time together
Times are such that, there are lot of bills to settle. We are racing against time and many things are calling our attention; it is still very necessary to plan and spend quality time with your partner. Give them a bit of your time and make sure you focus on them during that time. It goes a long way to show you care about them and that you want to be part of their life.
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- Never base your decisions on assumptions
Assumptions are very costly and deadly; never assume. I decided to always hear from my husband before forming opinions on anything. Many times, we often assume things about our partners based on our expectations. Instead of assuming, talk things out and hear from them.
- Surprise your partner
Planning surprises still works its magic anytime. Surprises can come in form of gifts, dates, sex, etc. Try to be creative with planning surprises for your partner and reap the harvest of love.
Sex is important in a marriage; it is like the glue that binds two hearts together. Have regular sex as much as you can; it is necessary. Although, sex in marriage tends to reduce as the marriage ages and you start having kids but never neglect the importance of sex. Plan it with your partner; explore each other’s fantasies and bodies. God is not against sex in marriage.
- Take care of your health
Never neglect your overall health and hygiene; both partners need to make a conscious decision to take care of their bodies for their partner. I don’t believe it is a woman’s responsibility to look beautiful while the man becomes potbellied and less attractive to their partner.
Taking care of your health is very important and should never be overlooked.
“A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought – they must be earned.”– Naval Ravikant
- Appreciate your partner
We often overlook the things our partner deserves to be praised for. Everyone loves to be appreciated and valued for their efforts, show gratitude to your partner for the things they do. Appreciate those little gestures and acts of kindness.
- Communicate your partner’s love language
Everyone has a love language. A love language is how a person feels loved and valued. There are five love languages and they are; acts of service, quality time, physical touch, giving of gifts, and words of affirmation. It is very essential to speak love to your partner in a way they understand.
You can read the book “five love languages” by Gary Chapman to understand love languages.
“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.”– Pearl S. Buck
- Share interest and plans
No marriage can work when partners go in opposite directions. Marriage is a partnership and no partnership can thrive without knowing each other’s motives, interests and plans. Share your plans and interest with your partner. Both partners need to sit down regularly to plan how to fit into each other’s plans and interests. Sometimes, there is a need to compromise but this must be done with proper agreement and compensation.
Trust is important in every relationship; it doesn’t matter if it is friendship, colleagueship or marriage. Trust your partner and never allow doubt to cloud your judgement.
- Express your feelings
When we had just gotten married, I had a habit of trying to suppress my feelings whenever my husband offends me or does something I don’t like. This went on for a while until I had an outburst; I couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. It was a terrible experience and I learnt my lesson.
Always express how you feel when you’re hurt by your partner’s actions or inaction. It isn’t advisable to bury your hurt without expressing them.
- Set rules for your relationship
Rules are guidelines that prevent disagreements and anger in marriage. Set rules that will act as guidelines for your home. I believe in setting boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed to have a happy and peaceful home.
Some homes have rules like:
- Never sleep without solving disputes
- Never sleeping in different rooms
- Who comes visiting and how long visitors are allowed etc.
“The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.”– Helen Mirren
I am one of the people who believes marriages can work if both partners are intentional about the marriage. Keeping love alive in marriage takes consistent effort. It may sometimes be tiring but the reward is more than the effort.